Have YOU ever wondered just WHY shit happens to you? Well, you're not alone. People have wondered about this fundamental question for many ages, and everyone seems to have a different theory. So, for your reading enjoyment, we have here a massive collection of various ways in which people have tried to explain why shit happens: ============================================================================== SHIT HAPPENS in various world religions -------------------------- Taoism: Shit happens. If you can shit, it isn't shit. Shit happens, so flow with it. Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding. She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it) Please this flower and buy our shit. Confucianism: Confucious say, "Shit happens". Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY." Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone. Shit will happen again to you next time. Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will have salvation. Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? First, shit was shit. Then it wasn't. Now I'm one with Zen, and shit is shit again. 7th Day Adventism: Shit happens on Saturdays. Hinduism: I've seen this shit happening before. This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life. This shit happening IS you. Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else! If shit happens, praise the lord for it. Presbyterianism: This shit was bound to happen. Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. Episcopalianism: If shit happens, hold a procession. It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it. Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it Lutheranism: Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK. Have faith that shit will happen. If shit happens, don't talk about it. Anglicanism: It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans. Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit. Be silent and wait for shit to happen, friend. Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it. You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit. Charismatic Catholicism: Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway. Judaism: Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal? Conservative Judaism: Why does shit always happen to US? Reform Judaism: Got any laxatives? Shit happens to whom it may concern. Orthodox Judaism: So shit happens, already! Islam: We don't take any shit. Sunni Islam: If it happens to be shit, it's Allah's will and you'd better submit! Shiite happens. Shi'ite Islam: WE WILL DESTROY YOUR SHIT! If shit happens, take a hostage. Nation of Islam: Don't take no shit! Bahaism: Why do you keep shitting on us? Shit happens universally. All shit is truly shit. New Age: That's not shit, it's feldspar. Shit happens, and it happens to smell good. This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate. I create my own shit. Visualize shit happening... Wicca: If shit happened once, it will happen twice more. The Goddess makes shit happen. An it harm none, let shit happen. Jehovah's Witness
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Updated: 8 Apr 2000 tower