Rectium?

 [colorful rounded image of the Head of a GNU]

INTEL ANNOUNCES NEW PROCESSOR FOR TRULY PERSONAL COMPUTING
1 April 1993

Intel Corp. today announced a new line of low-power high performance
microprocessors for a entirely new concept in "personal" computing. The
new processors, codenamed "Rectium", are designed to actually fit the
appropriate body cavity for "Computing Anywhere, Anytime", according to
Fred Burfl, Vice President for New Product Locations at Intel. "We
figured that with our 'Intel Inside' advertising campaign, which has
high consumer awareness, we couldn't lose!".

Within six months, a high-performance co-processor will also be made
available.  Implemented in Gallium Arsenide technology, the co-processor
is tentatively code-named "Rectium GaAs".  A new high-speed communications
bus based on a proprietary "Fast Aerodynamic Regional Transport" protocol
will take performance to new heights.

Intel officials suggest that the chips will be ideally suited for
back-end processing applications.


Reaction on Wall Street was mixed.  PepsiCo (owner of the Taco Bell
restaurant chain) gained an eighth, to close at 82 7/8, after announcing
a strong commitment to the new GaAs technology.  Ralston-Purina (maker
of Bean-o) fell an eighth, to 50 5/8.

Other humor in the GNU Humor Collection.

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Updated: 8 Apr 2000 tower